our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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