You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
