Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize