he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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