So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
