I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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