I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
