Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
