I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
