While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
