i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
