you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you never un-have a 4some
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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