maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize