it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
