bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
