We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
