Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
