White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
