Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
