You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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