69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
