Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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