My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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