had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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