i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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