Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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