Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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