She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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