they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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