I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
