just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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