I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
