you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My vagina just recognized that song.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
