I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
