just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize