I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
