Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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