he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
