YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
