True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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