$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need a beard to bite.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
