jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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