what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
