So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
