Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
