I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
