jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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