you traded sex for a burrito?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
