That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize