you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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