is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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