My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
