To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
