So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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