are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
