I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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