so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
