haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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