The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize