A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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