put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
