I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
