sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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