I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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