I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
